A Summer To Remember-- Prologue

Prologue

It’s weird to see the streets of this city again. My buddies and I haven’t been here since 1963. During that summer something happened that neither of us will forget. So many of us were lost, both physically, mentally, and spiritually, that it’s dragged on throughout the eight years we’ve been avoiding the place. But as we stood there on the corner of Crystal and Long, everything came flooding back, and the arguments began.

It was long debated whether or not to write it down. Nobody’s had the guts to. . . . It’s not exactly a huge surprise because not many of us are left, but we all figured somebody would record it. Not even the news reporters and journalists wanted to cover the story when it happened, so I suppose they wouldn’t want to write it down for keeps, either. Eventually, tensions were drawn so tightly that all it took was for one mistake and we all just snapped. It resulted in a fist fight, and the quietest one among us was the one who stopped it.

“Quit!” He screamed, choking back sobs that I knew took a toll on him to let loose. “Can’t you see that’s the problem?! That’s what got us here in the first place?!” As he stood there, panting and crying, nobody moved, and nobody breathed. Finally he fled. Instantly I was on my feet. No. I couldn’t loose him, too. I followed him to a painfully familiar field, and it was only then, as the memories rushed back at him, that I could catch him.

My hand gently grasped his shoulder, and he spun around, nailing me with punch after punch into my stomach. I pleaded with him to stop because, even though he had a nasty deck, it wasn’t hurting me as much as how upset he was. Later he just broke down. The last punch he threw at me was so weak I barely felt it, and he just fell and cried into my arms.

I can’t say that it wasn’t nice. My brother hadn’t hugged me once in my life even though his anger and feelings had long ago set aside my commanding notions. I knew it was hard for him to cry in front of the guys, but everybody wanted to. The only reason they didn’t was because the conditions in which they grew up caused enough pain to get rid of all their tears. Shadow wasn’t a bad kid; he only followed his role model who happened to be less than fit.

Later that night as we sat in the old diner that still served the greasy food we loved, we worked out everything that needed discussing. Shadow sat unusually close to me, and when he smiled it was truly genuine; we didn’t see that side of him much anymore.

It was decided that we’d all pitch in to record what happened in the summer of 1963 in Chicago, Illinois. We’d all pitch in our efforts to revive the story that had disposed of our great friends and fellow enemies. We’d all do our part in providing the best details and the truths of what happened.

Somehow, we got the most amazing luck; even though it was suspicion laced, the phone call I received was the only one I ever remember being happy about.

It was two days after Shadow’s breakdown that we were sitting in a small hotel room listening to the radio and talking that the phone rang. I picked it up, and instantly stiffened at the voice I heard.

It was the same as I remembered it. Silky and cold, but the words this person said to me were music to my ears. After a good hour conversation, we had reached a truce with each other, and laid aside our differences. The lieutenant of the gang that pushed us to where we were was going to help write the story that was sure to end the gang era.

It was agreed that we would start and end during the next fortnight. That is where we are now; locked in the warehouse that holds unhappy and victorious moments.

There’s fifteen of us, including me. My brother, the rest of my gang that’s stuck close and kept in touch, and two foreign men all sat down around the office and stared nervously at the typewriter.

“Who’s going to start?” Asked a shaky voiced Wyatt. Everybody looked around, but I knew what I had to do.

“I’m going to,” I said softly. Everybody’s eyes snapped to me. “Look, guys. I’m proud to call you all my friends. Especially these new ones,” the unfamiliar men bowed their heads. “I want you all to know that I’m incredibly proud of you. I couldn’t have asked for a better bunch, I just wish I could have been a better leader. . . .” I trailed off and Shadow gave me an encouraging smile. “Let’s just get this down so we can forget about it.”

“It shouldn’t be forgotten, Jet,” Ace whispered fearfully. “You know it can’t be forgotten.”

“I didn’t say it should be forgotten in general, I’m saying so that we can forget about it. It’ll give us some time to deal with other things that matter more, like me getting back to my fiancé, and Shadow finishing school, and you all getting back to better lives. I just want to write it down so that future gangs know what is in store for them if they keep this up. It’s important to the future of the earth.” Shadow bowed his head, and then looked up with glittering, determined eyes. I nodded and continued. “I’ll start with an explanation on how we came to be writing this all down, and then we all need to pitch in to make sure it’s true and detailed enough that it’ll be the only time this happens. Everybody understand?” Nobody objected, and it reminded me shamefully of how I used to take pleasure in such fear of answering me. “Alright, lets do this.”

I sat down behind the desk, and put my fingers on the typewriter. The first few words came out unhappily, but as I continued down the page, it became easier to write.

Shadow has sat by my side faithfully since we’ve gotten here, and so as we start on the first chapter of this story, I dedicate it to his innocence and to the future of the earth. I dedicate it to the people who will read it and understand what happened was in so many ways too wrong to be forgiven. We all thank you, and wish you the best of understanding.

Comments & reviews · 15
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User avatar
meggy86
Comment

You have a few grammar or technical errors, most of which are mentioned above, but overall I think it will be a great story if you just keep with it. Keep writing!

Thanks for the review, Derek, and I will explain it all in chapter one, when i post it.

User avatar
TheThinker Comment

I liked it, but needs a bit more about the characters, I know its a prologue and everything is to be mysterious, but needs more info on the characters.

overall great, hope to see more

User avatar
Hannah Fraser
Review

I liked it, but there is a few things that I'd like to let you know.
At first I wasn't sure if it was a male main character, but that's just me, I'm used to reading stories with female main characters.
I think you have a good start here, not telling the reader what tragic thing happened to the gang is risky but very page turning.
I would like you to think about how you're starting, make it flow a little better so other readers can understand what is going on.
But I think it's great, I'm just really trying to do the best at giving you suggestions.
I'm not the best editor in the world, so keep that in mind.
:roll: Ignore me... Ha ha.
I hope there's more, if not I incurige you to write more!
This piece deserves a star!

Echolair, lol, this is just the prologue. I meant it to be vague. It's not supposed to make sense right away.

Thanks for the reviews

User avatar
Nebesah
Review
Nebesah wrote a review · Sat Nov 15, 2008 3:36 pm

It really drew me in. All the mystery is what makes you want to keep reading because you're like, "What are they talking about? What could be so important that no one wants to report it, leaving this gang to feel like they must write it down, lest they forget?"

I would like to know more about the MC, because I can't really picture the scenes so well in my head. I can picture the setting, but I don't know what the characters look like. I don't even know if the MC is a girl or boy! It's aggrivating.

The story, overall, is promising, and i can't wait to hear more of it...

Hope this helped. If not, then I'm sorry; i'm still kinda new at this.

User avatar
Echolair
Review

im afraid...i didnt get any of it. O_O I felt like something was about to burst but in the end, it pushed me farther and i failed to READ what it is exactly all about.
At first, it was draggy and long but i accepted it and thought maybe you go for the likes of The Lottery, wherein there's a very climatic ending. But then again, could you please enlighten me with what this is?


x chase

Writing for love is a pas wrote:I don't care what anyone else says. I think this will be a promising book. Don't stop! :D :D :D


Well thank you very much! :D :D :D

I don't care what anyone else says. I think this will be a promising book. Don't stop! :D :D :D

-Description-
You really don't have any imagery at all. I don't know anything about how the characters settings or events look, feel or smell. I need to. It will make your story much more powerful, and will make it less of an info-dump. make sure you include all five senses (well, not necessarily taste) into your writing to make the readers feel as though they were there.


The prologue, in my opinion, is supposed to be vague. It isn't supposed to hold the whole story, and it should have some secrets. Those are later answered in the story, right?

-Overall-
I think this could be very promising. You have a very fresh style and I think you know what you want. Please don't give up on this story, okay? I see so many first chapters and prologues around here, but I've never seen a last chapter or epilogue. So many people never finish... anyway, I'm getting off-topic.


I definitely won't give up. I have to do some revisions on my first chapter, but I'll continue as best I can. Thanks for the review. I'll take your advice on the first chapter.

`~`Kiss In The Rain`~`

User avatar
Azila
Review
Azila wrote a review · Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:36 pm

Hello!

Brace yourself for the critique of a lifetime, mortal! :twisted:


-Nitpicks-

It’s weird to see the streets of this city again.
"Weird" is an extremely weak word. Don't put such a weak word in the first sentence, please! Find a word that will portray more of what you are trying to say.

During that summer something happened that neither of us will forget.
There should be a comma after "summer."

So many of us were lost, both physically, mentally, and spiritually, that it’s dragged on throughout the eight years we’ve been avoiding the place.
Saying "both" implies that there are only two... but you say "physically, mentally, and spiritually" which is three. Either take out one of them, or take out "both."

Eventually, tensions were drawn so tightly that all it took was for one mistake and we all just snapped.
I suggest you delete "for" before "one" because it isn't needed.

Instantly I was on my feet.
There should be a comma after "instantly."

I followed him to a painfully familiar field, and it was only then, as the memories rushed back at him, that I could catch him.
You say "him" three times in this sentence. Maybe try rewriting to something like: "I followed him to a painfully familiar field, and it was only then, as he was flooded in memories, that I could clasp his shoulder."

Later he just broke down.
Comma after "later."

Later that night as we sat in the old diner that still served the greasy food we loved, we worked out everything that needed discussing.
Comma after "night."

We’d all do our part in providing the best details and the truths of what happened.
This is awkward... maybe try deleting "the" before "truths?"

Somehow, we got the most amazing luck; even though it was suspicion laced, the phone call I received was the only one I ever remember being happy about.
I think that should be "suspicion-laced."

It was two days after Shadow’s breakdown that we were sitting in a small hotel room listening to the radio and talking that the phone rang.
This is awkward as well. Try making the "that" after "breakdown "and" and adding a comma before it, and making "that" after "talking" into a "when"... so that it looks like this: "It was two days after Shadow’s breakdown, and we were sitting in a small hotel room listening to the radio and talking when the phone rang."

It was the same as I remembered it. Silky and cold, but the words this person said to me were music to my ears.
I suggest you change this around to be: "It was the same as I remembered it; silky and cold. But the words this person said to me were music to my ears."

After a good hour conversation, we had reached a truce with each other, and laid aside our differences.
I think you mean "After a good hour OF conversation..." or maybe "After a good hour's conversation..." the way it is sounds odd.

There’s fifteen of us, including me.
That should be "There ARE fifteen of us..."

“Who’s going to start?” Asked a shaky voiced Wyatt.
The "a" in "asked" should be lower-case, and "shaky voiced" should be hyphenated, thus: "“Who’s going to start?” asked a shaky-voiced Wyatt."
-------------------

-Description-
You really don't have any imagery at all. I don't know anything about how the characters settings or events look, feel or smell. I need to. It will make your story much more powerful, and will make it less of an info-dump. make sure you include all five senses (well, not necessarily taste) into your writing to make the readers feel as though they were there.

-Dialogue-
There isn't much dialogue so far, but what there is you have to make sure represents your characters well, because it's the first thing we really notice about their personalities. Which brings me to...

-Characters-
I don't know anything about your characters, really--except for Shadow. Everyone needs personalities. You don't necessarily need to tell us all about them in the prologue, but we should definitely know more about the MC/narrator. I know he/she has a fiancé... but I don't know their gender! I don't know their age. I don't know their personality.

-Overall-
I think this could be very promising. You have a very fresh style and I think you know what you want. Please don't give up on this story, okay? I see so many first chapters and prologues around here, but I've never seen a last chapter or epilogue. So many people never finish... anyway, I'm getting off-topic.


Please don't take my critique too harshly, I mean it well. *gives you a gold star to prove sincerity*

PM me if I was unclear about anything, or if you just want to talk. :P
Hope this helps somewhat.
~Azila~

User avatar
Kaliber
Review
Kaliber wrote a review · Mon Mar 31, 2008 2:19 pm

Very well writen. Great vocab.

I like the way everybody is gathering to tell the story right.

I think it would make a great movie if you're planning to finish.

I don't nessesarily agree with KJ (no offence) but its the first paragraph that caught my attention. without it would leave me confused.

Good luck, keep writing.

-Kaliber

KJ wrote:Did you two do the eyeball avatars on purpose? Just curious...


Yes, actually, we did. Though, he's quite the cheesbrain.... (lol, kidding)

User avatar
KJ
Review
KJ wrote a review · Mon Mar 31, 2008 1:53 pm

Did you two do the eyeball avatars on purpose? Just curious...

Anyway. I thought this was pretty well-written. However, I would just cut all the narrative in the beginning and just start it off with "Quiet!"

Have no time to say anything else, but I hope that this helps.

User avatar
Deifyance
Review

very, very, very nice. loved it :) hehe.

saw no errors (...)

I see a struggling novel coming from this (...I wonder how )


good luck,
make sure that you make sure to include all of witch you have mentioned in the prologue, like losing people mentally for example.

and make sure to (if the main char is male) make him think like a male (if its in first person)

other than that... best of luck!



There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.
— Maya Angelou